Say WohoW!

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”. The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window…

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?

“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”

She replies, “Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!”

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. “Guaranteed my ass”, he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, “If you can catch me you can have me!”

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, “I like the way this company does business.”

The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.

So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

He’s after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it’s worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he’s ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. “Are you sure,” asks the representative on the phone, “this is our most rigorous program…” “Absolutely,” he replies. “I haven’t felt this great in years!”

The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, “If I catch you, I can have you!”

A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar in Newark, thinking about his wretched life, when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly schlep. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she’s a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.

The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her.

“Is it true you’re a prostitute?”

“Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I dunno. What do you charge?”

“I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there.”

“$100? For a handjob? Are you nuts?”

“You see that Ferrari out there?” The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there’s a shiny new Ferrari parked outside. “I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on hand jobs. Trust me, it’s worth it.”

The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he’s ever had. This hand job was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.

The next night he’s back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.

“Last night was incredible!”

“Of course it was. Just wait til you try one of my blow jobs.”

“How much is that?”

“$500.”

“$500? C’mon, that’s ridiculous!”

“You see that apartment building across the street?” The guy looks out front and sees a 12-story apartment building.

“I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blow jobs.Trust me, it’s worth it.” Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it.

He leaves with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints twice.

The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up.

“I’m hooked, you’re the best! Tell me, what’ll it cost me for some pussy?”

She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan.

“You see that island?”

“Aw, c’mon! You can’t mean that!”

She nods her head. “You bet. If I had a pussy, I’d own Manhattan!”

A woman gets her 3 daughters married and tells each of them: “I want you to write me letters. I wanna know all details of your private life, but when you talk about sex, please call it “frying potatoes”, cause I don’t want to irritate your father. All girls agree.

After a while she gets a letter from the oldest daughter:

Dear mom, we’re fine. We always have enough money, but we’re frying potatoes only once a month”

“Hmm, not good” the mom thinks.

The second daughter’s letter arrives soon:

“Hi mom, we’re fine. Most of the time we have enough money and we’re frying potatoes once a week”

“That’s much better” the mom thinks.

The 3rd daughter writes:

“Dear mom, we’re doing well. Most of the time we’re broke, but we’re frying potatoes 3 times daily and when we have no potatoes he licks the pan and I suck the handle”

A man meets a woman in a bar. Soon they both are drunk and leave to his place together. As soon as they reach his flat the woman goes to the toilet and discovers that she got her period. She thinks “He’s so drunk, he won’t notice” nd goes to his bedroom. After the hot night she wakes up in the morning and leaves.

The man wakes up and sees a big pool of blood next to him. “What the hell did I do to her?” he thinks. He checks the drawer with knives - all are clean. He counts his guns - none are missing, all bullets are still there.

“What the hell could I have done to her?” he thinks and goes to the bathroom. He looks in the mirror: “Shit! I ate her!”