A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up - you’re next!”
A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents. She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do.
The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4000 to repair. She said that was too much and asked, “Isn’t there some other way to fix it?”
The body man decided to have a little fun and said, “Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out.” She decided to give it a try before spending that much money.
She drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde neighbor came over to visit. “What are you doing!” she shrieked, thinking the worst and thankful that she may have just prevented her friend from committing suicide.
“I’m blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car,” explained the first blonde.
“Well silly, it’s not going to work,” replied her neighbor.
“Why not?” asked the first blonde.
“Because you’ve got to roll up the windows first.” Read the rest of this entry »
There was this gorgeous blonde going to Jamaica. She boarded the airplane and chose a seat at the front. The stewardess went around checking the tickets an saw she was in the wrong seat and section.
The stewardess said, “Excuse me ma’am. You are in the wrong section and seat. You are supposed to be in coach, not first class.”
The lady looked up at her and said, “LOOK, I am a gorgeous blonde with beautiful blue eyes and a figure to die for. I am on vacation and you will not get me to move.”
So the stewardess moved on and came back to her again a bit later. The blonde continued her harangue and proceeded to tell her how perfect she was. The stewardess, at the point of exasperation, then went and got the head stewardess to handle the matter. The blonde proceeded to tell her, “Look, I am tall, long-legged, gorgeous blonde hair, deep blue eyes and a body to kill for. I am on vacation, I am going to Jamaica and I am not moving.”
The head stewardess realized she had a standoff and went to the cockpit and spoke to the pilot. He decided to pay the blonde a visit.”How are you doing today, ma’am?” he asked.
“I AM NOT MOVING,” she said.
So the pilot reached down and whispered something in her ear. She jumped up–boy was she ever pissed–gathered all her things and went to the back to her seat in coach. The two stewardesses were puzzled. “What ever did you say to her to make her move? We tried everything.”
“I told her the front of the plane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter’s gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, “The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde”. The blonde says, “I don’t want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms.”
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.”
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”
This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay, ” says the lawyer, “your turn”.
She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, “Thank you, ” and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Dear Jen,
If you’ve received this letter it means it reached you. If not then let me know and I will write you another one.
I am writing slowly, cause I know that you can’t read very fast.
The weather is good. Last week it rained only twice. At the beginning of the week for 3 days and closer to the end of the week for around 4 days.
By the way, concerning this jacket that you wanted, your uncle said if I send it to you with these heavy metal buttons the shipping will be too expensive, that’s why I cut them off. Sew them back on, I’ve put them in the right pocket.
Your father found another job. He has 500 people under him! He’s cutting grass at the cemetery.
Your sister got married and is pregnant now. We don’t know the gender of the baby, so I can’t tell you whether you will become an aunt or uncle.
If it will be a girl she wants to name her after me. It’s a strange decision to name a child Mama.
A stupid thing happened recently to your brother Jim: he closed his car and forgot the key inside. He had to walk home (10 km!) to get the spare keys and let us out of the car.
If you meet your cousin Lisa, send her my greetings. If you don’t meet her, don’t send her anything.
Love,
Your mother
P.S.: I wanted to send you some money but I’ve already closed the envelope. 
