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Archive for January, 2009

Blind pilots

Posted by admin On January - 3 - 2009

The passengers on a commercial airliner have been seated and are awaiting the cockpit crew to get them underway. A murmur is heard in the back of the plane, and a few passengers on the aisle glance back to see the pilot and copilot, both wearing large, dark sunglasses, making their way up to the cockpit.

However, the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using a seeing-eye guide dog. As they pass by the rows of passengers there are nervous giggles heard, as people are thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. But a few minutes after the cockpit door has closed behind them the engines start spooling up and the airplane taxis out to the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and shifting uneasily or gripping the armrests more tightly.

As the airplane starts accelerating rapidly, people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, passengers become more and more hysterical!  Finally, when the plane has less than a few seconds of runway left, the shouts of horror fill the cabin as everyone screams at once, and just at the very last moment possible the airplane lifts off and is airborne!!!

Meanwhile, up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the captain and says, “You know, one of these days the passengers are going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna get killed!”

Little Jimmy The Opportunist

Posted by admin On January - 3 - 2009

Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.

“God? Are you really there?” Jimmy said out loud.

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. “Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?”

Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, “God? What is a million years like to you?”

Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. “A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute.”

“Oh,” said Jimmy. “Well, then, what’s a million dollars like to you?”

“A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny.”

“Wow!” remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. “You’re so generous…can I have one of your pennies?”

God replied, “Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute.”