Howard had felt terrible all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But, every once in a while, he’d hear a soothing voice trying to reassure him, “Howard. Don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won’t be the last.”
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality. “Howard. You’re a veterinarian.”
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
Next morning, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!”
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”. The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window…
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?
“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
She replies, “Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!”
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant.
So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.
Doctor: What was the problem?
Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand…nothing. So, I tried with my left hand…nothing. My wife tried with her right hand…nothing. Her left hand…nothing. Her mouth…nothing. Then my wife’s friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth….still nothing.
Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife’s friend too?!
Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn’t get the lid off of the specimen cup.
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with “Merry Christmas” up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, “If you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?”
She says “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!”
Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying “Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.”
Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. “OH Santa, won’t you please stay?” she queried . Taking a long look, Santa sighed and said “Ho- ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.”
Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said invitingly “Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?”
With a pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said “Ho - ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.” And with that, he turned and left. Several minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful woman.
“Santa—you decided to stay??” she asked.
Santa grinned, looking at his crotch and said “Hey - hey, gotta stay. Can’t get up the chimney THIS way!”
